MONOTONY IN TECHNICOLOR
Where is it? I search for it under the bed, behind the sofa. It's all useless. Motivation has left early in the morning without even leaving a message. Bitch.
I drag myself to the shower, confident that the cold water would get me back to my old self. Bullshit.
The wardrobe seems huge, boundless. I feel disconfort. What do I wear? Nothing suits me. Thank God I work from home today.
Two eggs, half a jar of jam and some pesto. Very good. I forgot to do the shopping once again. I could do it now. I should do it now, if I wanted to eat properly. But it's raining outside, I don't feel like it. I'll go tomorrow.
It's time to turn on the computer and work. Way too many emails. What's the point in all this stress? I suddenly feel like vomiting. I think I'll dedicate myself to something else.
Like, for example, those curtains which have been laying on the floor for two days. In less than a minute they're back in their place. Perfect. One minute after the curtains have already fallen back on my head. Fuck. They will lay on the floor for two more days. It's a sign. It's definitely time to get back to work.
It's evening. No more dishes, no more clean clothes and some dust under the table. Shit. I have to do the cleaning.
What a relief. Finally, I can turn off my brain and watch tv. A series or a movie? A comedy or a drama? Which of the 156 movies recommended by Netflix? How depressing.
I'm overwhelmed by this boring repetitiveness. It's all a waste of time.
I feel my brain deteriorating day after day. How frustrating. I feel so useless that I would throw myself into the trash can if I could.
I can't go on like this. I need to find a solution. My suitcase is ready. Am I?