WHERE ARE YOU?
Like every weekend I wish you were here beside me. I try to hide this melancholy behind a tired smile. I feel lonely. Resigned, I wipe these tears away from my face, as if they belonged to someone else. I pretend that none of this touches me, while deep inside, my starving heart devours itself. I let my mind daydreaming in peace. Your fingertips gently caressing my arm with the first light of the day. Our long city wanders which, aimlessly, let us forget about the clickety-clack of time. That knowing glance caught between sips of beer and futile conversations. Yet, I'm slowly drowning in this empty sea. I need your hand to guide me to shore, I cannot make it by myself.
You ran away leaving your perfume all over me. I stole your underwear to feel you closer. It's my madeleine. Your smell flows into my veins, lighting up a fire that hasn't burnt for a very long time. We cling onto the same pole like climbing plants. Your delicious sweat merges with mine emanating the perfect aroma. Your body presses on mine claiming its possession. A moan, a shiver, an explosion of colours. Everything seems fake: is it a blurred memory of a long gone pleasure or is it maybe the exhausting wait of an uncertain future? I've been lying on these white sheets for too long. I light a cigarette to warm up my heart. The smoke floods into my body to fill this intimidating void. I need a hug, a kiss, a hint. I need to need you. Protect me, I cannot make it by myself.
Dinner is almost ready. No one is waiting for my stories, no one is listening. Therefore I stay put, in silence. I set the table for two, what an idiot! Too much pasta, too much wine. You are ruining me. I feel small, insignificant, mad, furious. This is all your fault, you abandoned me and you turned off the light. I see nothing in the mirror, not even a glint of vitality. I don't feel anything anymore, what do we call love? Can I still dare defining myself a human being?
Sometimes I forget and I wait for a good night that ceased to exist. I look at my phone as if I could read your mind. I'm looking for you. I'm waiting for you. I hope one day you will catch me by surprise. I will just sit here, gazing at the outside world through this glass door. I don't know you, but I will recognize you. I feel confident, because I cannot make it by myself.
I keep my phone beside me and I leave the door ajar. I'm sure that you will eventually find me.